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Sick of Letting Go Part One

Posted by fromsurvivingtothriving at 05:33 PM on March 05, 2008

Sick Of Letting Go Part One

Wednesday, Mar 5, 2008

Written February 24, 2007

I have a wish. I wish people would stop telling other's to let go of the past. What on God's green earth kind of advice is that? The whole "Letting go" phenomenon must come to an end. There

is no letting go of the past! To try and convince people to do so is not only self destructive to the victim but to our society as a whole. How do you let go of something that has a hold on you? Let someone grab you by the neck and you tell yourself to let go of their arms because they are trying to choke the life out of you. It doesn't work like that. The hold must let go first before you stop defending your life and responding with cries out in pain! You will naturally let go once the hold on you is released. Can the victim do anything to help release that hold? Yes, as I will discuss in my next article. However, must we continue to fault the victim for failing to recover because they won't let go? The past contributes to our future, our future as a people.

I remember when I experienced the whole "forgive and let go" "process", it seemed so simple, all I had to do was do it. So, I put on a happy out look on life. I even wore a smile that could raise the dead and when asked how I was doing, I impressively responded, "Great, everything is just wonderful!" My internal self was decaying and all my external presentation, my going through the motions of wellness, was not helping me but making me feel like a fake and a liar not only to myself but to everyone I spoke to. I was NOT okay! I was still hurting, still being eaten alive by the pains of my past, which because of their devastating impact, were not solely my past but my present as well. The people around me though, they felt better about me and for me. I was smiling, laughing and saying positive things, so I guess I was doing fine in their eyes. Right? Making them feel comfortable and without felling the obligation of being responsive to my needs. This "forgive and let go" delusion is for the benefit of those who are not suffering, not for the struggling survivor. It is not to make things easier for the suffering but easier for the non suffering to manage the smell of emotional decay in their presence!

Who is telling victim abusers to let go of their past so that they can move on in their lives and have better days free of guilt and shame? Who is telling them to let go of their past offenses and get over their impulses to further abuse? Are we not holding the victim abuser accountable, responsible? Then it is our responsibility as leaders and people of support to encourage emotional self defense training, genuine recovery, internal repair, and "complete being rebuilding" rather than passive resistance and futile attempts at ignoring or burying the past. Dismissing the past is not the answer for victim or abuser. Out of sight is not out of mind for the abused. The "Forgive and Let Go" process is nonsense, and shame on any organization or leader that supports such foolish counsel! The advice to think and speak positively about life, and "just let go" is dangerous and creates victims of false recovery. Please, let's stop adding to the crimes against struggling survivors. These individuals do not want to learn how to pacify themselves, they want to know how to heal, how to become a valued part of life. Let's be willing to provide just counsel and put and end to pacification.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

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