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When Victim Becomes Abuser

Posted by fromsurvivingtothriving at 05:47 PM on August 23, 2008

Written February 28,2007

The life of a victim has three paths: restoration, self-destruction, and social destruction. Those who develop mental and emotional strength and apply their abilities will restore to a healthier life style, managing positive and negative experiences well. These are what we call "former victims" or "Thriving Survivors", people who have been rehabilitated or reconditioned back into healthier living. These individuals are more likely to thrive in their society, contributing to it's overall good. While in early stages of recovery, it is easier to be targeted by a victim abuser as they can discern other people's wavering securities.

Those who exist in the path of self-destruction, will victimize themselves by either intentionally or subconsciously placing themselves directly in the path of abuse or inflicting internal and external abuse upon themselves such as guilty wallowing, self pitying, self condemnation, self mutilations, self inner abandonment, self imprisonment and self degradation. These individuals are prone to make unsafe choices and respond carelessly in their external environment. They are likely to be re-victimized reluctantly but willingly to validate their state of victimization and feelings of self worthlessness. People on this victim path will indulge in what I call "victimism", the new "ism", in which victims become addicted to the need to be a victim. They continuously wait to hop the next train of destruction, existing in fleeting moments of happiness and become greatly depressed with the absence of painful infliction in their lives. What's more, they will quickly and anxiously seek out individuals willing to subject them to emotional, physical or mental abuse. Such victims will be highly targeted by victim abusers but believe they can control the level of abuse they will be subjected to, "Putting up with this" but "Won't put up with that." These individuals will have a difficult time in healthy environments, boring easily and will often be instigators of "drama" when they experience "abuse withdrawal" or the environment is too stable making them feel unnatural or uncomfortable. It is highly probable that these individuals will "create realities" which are non existent but sustain them until a real abusive situation presents it self in their lives. A recovering victim often finds themselves straddling the fence of both types of victim behavior while struggling through the initial stages of recovery.

Finally, there are those who exist in the path of social destruction, who respond to life in anger, hostility, resentment, and spite. They feel the world owes them and is useless, deserving of great punishment similar or worse than they themselves received, even to the point of assigning themselves as the punisher. Projecting and extending their own pains onto others is the trigger finger of victim abusers. These victims become abusers seeking out prey weaker than themselves to ensure they can control the individual and their immediate environment. There is the added element of pleasure in knowing they have successfully made another feel their pain or better yet feel worse than their pain. It is my theory, that those who victimize animals can not find or identify humans weaker than themselves. Victim abusers are the most threatening type of victim. They are easily identifiable in their conversations about life and their views of the world. Any type of victim can cross over to this category, however there are certain internal and external breakdowns that must be present for that cross over to occur. (See "Love Thy Self" Recovery Tour for more details.)

What defines one to be weaker than another? An individual's level of self-respect, self-worth, vulnerability, isolation, dependency, resistance, mental development and the strength of one's immediate support. Victim abusers are keen and calculating with a strong sense of discernment. The gift of discernment is sharpened with the need to be hyper aware of one's surroundings. As a person's survival is threatened, their instincts to survive become mastered. Discernment is the sensory network of a beings instincts and can be stronger or weaker depending upon use (like a muscle). Without a heart of recovery, victim abusers will use their sharpened sense of discernment to identify and target potential victims. If the victim abuser feels they themselves were innocent when victimized, they will likely target weak innocent individuals. If they feel they have always been a vessel for repeated abuse by others, they will likely target individuals who they feel "are there for that anyway", people who are frequently re-victimized.

The vital thing to remember, is that just as easily as you can spot a victim abuser, they can spot you, your strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities, in fact, they may even spot you more easily. This gives them the knowledge necessary to morph, temporarily changing into the person you need to fill your void. If they can provide you that which you lack, the victim abuser will have successfully primed you for attack. Other's will not even bother going through the stalking of their prey and cease the moment of attack, violently and often brutally.

When it comes to victimization there are not two separate types of humans, victims and abusers, rather there is one humanity with two distinct internal identities, victim and victim abuser. This becomes a question of which came first, the victim or the victim abuser? Since abuse is a result of failed recovery from victimization, the victim comes first. Then one would ask, how does the victim come first if the victim must first be abused? There in lies the evidence of its dual identity. Can one be a victim and an abuser at the same time? Yes, in fact that falls under the law of give and take which we all naturally abide. All living creatures roaming earth have the ability and likely hood of being both victim and abuser to varied extremes. One can abuse themselves and thus be a victim of self inflictions and then as in many cases of failed recovery the individual will lash out on others becoming an internal and external victim abuser.

I will use myself as an example of lower level victim abuser: When I was a child, I often went without food, at times, to the point of starvation. I stole food and gambled for food in school. Stealing is an offense against an owner, however, had I not stolen the food, would I have survived? Later, as I got older and even into adulthood, I was still stealing (sneaking) food. I was no longer hungry but I was abusing rights and access to food. I would baby sit in another person's house and steal the food. I wasn't hungry, I just found myself doing it. I have since successfully reconditioned this behavior with love and understanding for myself, however, this is an example of my first having been a victim of starvation and then later abusing my rights to food.

The heart of recovery is what determines how we respond to victimization. Will I become a former victim of "this or that?" or will I become a victim abuser of "this or that?" What is the heart of recovery? The willingness to have and develop Unconditional Love of Self. The common denominator for all victim behavior is hatred. The common denominator for all former victim behavior is love. We need to love ourselves to death so that no one can hate us to death. Hear more about this and other recovery issues by registering for a "Love Thy Self" Recovery Tour.

Copyright 2006-2007, Ms. Rachel E. Milano

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